...waiting for things to pan out

I'm in limbo and it sucks. My marks still haven't come in. Last week I was primarily anxious. This week I'm left to the whims of a very concentrated, sporadic set of emotions. There're times when I realize I'm done school and feel like I can take on the world. At others, I feel absolute despair and impending doom. Sometimes I'm completely rational, at others I feel a sort of rage or wrath towards anything in my vicinity. And still others I feel absolutely nothing at all.

I want to be productive these days, but I can't be. I'm trying to quit smoking - Mon. 0; Tues. 3; Wed. 4 already - but have effectively failed at this point. I'm going on vacation next week, but can't seem to plan anything. I want to start writing my book and work on OAC, but haven't done fuck all as of yet. I become a drone in front of the TV, lost in my thoughts until my roommates start being entertaining.

Two weeks ago I would've said that I don't care what my results are, I just want them to come. However, I realize now I've never wanted a specific result more in my life. I want this to be over - I want to move on with my life.

This sucks.